Cheeses, Mary and Joseph.

School days are dwindling and exams are approaching. Yet again time has swiftly thieved away the days, hours, minutes without giving even Dora the Explorer the chance to reprimand such acts of swiper-y.
Although the last couple weeks of any school semester, trimester, quarter, sixteenth, etc, will never fail to be a stressful time there was a highlight of last week so bright it must've been the product of a recent trip to the office supplies store:
Tom the Cheese Man.
So, picture this man in your head just based on that title.
Does this man have on a pink and purple bow tie? Is he wearing a tweed jacket with matching trousers? Is he comically lanky, possibly sporting a hooked nose? Does he speak with an accent similar to that of Sir David Frederick Attenborough? If you have answered yes to any of the above then you would most certainly be describing Mr. Tom Cheese Man.
I will quickly just share with you quotes from the notes I was taking during his Cheese Lecture:

-"No cheese, no color in life"
-Learn by standing still
-PEE ON A ROCK, "it's wonderful"
-Flys: total understanding of decay
-"wobbly bobbly"
-"Rot is what we live for"
-"I really like packaging"
-"GOD=COW!"
-Cheese was made to help use up fresh milk
-Little Miss Muffet on her tuffet with curds and whey?
-"Really care about your mozzarella"
-Mozzarella=tomato
-"Fondle mozzarella to liberate liquid"
-PB&J=Norwegian
-"Packaging has eyes!"
-"I need my cheese to smell, they need to be really honky"
-"Bleu cheese love S&M and suffocation"
-Munster="The Great Stinker"
-Goat brie= "ass kicking cheese"
-"ALL CHEESE FART"
-"We hate farting in England"
-Hard cheese= "I can put it in my ruck sack and march to kick a Scotsman"
-Cheddar= "acoustic"
-Parmesan= "gold"
-"Cheese makes you dream"
-"Make people gasp with your cheeses"

I hope you read that in your best BBC voice-over voice, but with an added level of grand enthusiasm.
This man lives for cheese. I can't even begin to explain the passion that emanated from his every wobbly bobbly syllable, seeping from his spindly, animated hands. I have never been thrown so off guard by the use of the word fart-- And trust me I have one of the highest "potty language" tolerances of anyone I know. So you can imagine the sheer joy that overcame me when, at the end of such a long day smack dab in the middle of an excruciatingly long week, such a person can come trotting in to the demonstration room throwing around the word fart, telling us to fondle mozzarella and throw cheddar in our "ruck sacks" all the while feeding us amazing samples of cheese after exquisite cheese.
I was a kid in a, well, slightly smelly, but immensely tasty candy store.

To Cheese-

May it always keep farting.

-H